Ode to Seasonal Allergies

French horn bellows from the orchestra… Violin tuning… Flutes and clarinets play a run…. and the drum section does a wicked solo that amazes the crowd (ok, so maybe that last part would never happen…)

Tap, tap, tap from the conductor that gathers the attention of everyone. He/She raises their hand and the instruments come to a ready position.

The Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel begins to play. (For those who might not know this classic, here’s a reminder)

Hello seasonal allergies my old friend
It seems that we have met again
The pollen outside is just starting
The grass that once was yellow is now greening
And the sunflowers that are slowing growing in the grass
Soon will change
To the bane of my existence

In restless weather, my nose alone
cannot avoid the yellow storm
Neath the buds of the treetops
I turned my car to supermarket
Where my body and my cart dashed right to Kleenex aisle
Split the family
That blocked my Puffs without lotion

And let’s not forget my aching head
Ten pounds of pressure, maybe more
Nose spray doesn’t do the trick
Nose spray kinda makes me sick
It’s the ache that Tylenol just won’t cure
twice a year
In the spring and in the fall

Oh and I hear about that Neti-Pot
People left and right talk about it a lot
fill the pot with warm salt water
then one end goes in which ever nostril
Let me stop you right there because that just isn’t natural
I could drown
from this contraption that’s really a torture device

And then people thought I was crying
actually no they called it sobbing
all that pollen made all these tears?
Itching them was not helping
and the doctor said “Don’t itch them cause you’ll only make them worse”
what’s he know
about the bane of my existence

Thanks for reading…


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